Tools for troubling times
This summer, I took some time off work to rest and recover from an exciting year. A part of the joy of the summer for me was watching the FIFA Women’s World Cup Finals tournament. In every match, I loved watching brilliant playmaking from accomplished, powerful women from all over the world. It was heartening to see women overcoming oppressive systems to perform so well on the world stage. Even the medal ceremony was marred by the president of the Spanish soccer federation forcibly kissing a player.
As I had more time, I also spent more time reading the news. Following stories about the experiences of women in Afghanistan, where suicide rates among women are increasing with increased social exclusion, Ukraine, where human trafficking and gender-based violence are increasing with decreased access to support, and the USA, where maternal mortality is rising with decreased access to safe reproductive care, along with the latest UN Development Program report on gender equity, which found that 9 out of 10 people have a bias against women and that it will take 187 years at the current pace of change for women to achieve equality, I felt a growing sense of rage.
At times like these, I notice how I feel the pull into a deepening sense of despair. At times, it feels as though very little progress has been made in the quest for women’s equality. As I noticed rising anger and sadness, I started wondering about a different approach to the situation. Which tools could I use to keep my commitment to the work while lessening the negativity that I could feel rising?
My good friend reminded me about strategy number one: Get some gratitude! I started going back to those stories to look for the things I could be grateful for in the things I am not grateful for. (I know - it’s a tricky sentence!) In practice, I could go back and appreciate the media stories of support for women who are struggling - I am so grateful for the journalists who are covering hard stories to ensure they are told, the people - women and men - who are speaking up in support of women, and the healthcare providers challenging the system to support women in accessing the care they need.
Positive psychology gave me another gift: What is going well already? I started making a list of things that have improved. Focusing on the progress that has been made helped me appreciate the fact that women are closer to equality now than ever before. There is still a long way to go, and we have started walking the path.
When times are challenging, I tend to lean on Kristen Neff’s research on self-compassion. I can recognize that this is a moment of suffering, acknowledge that I am not alone in experiencing these feelings, and focus on what I need to be kind to myself.
When I started putting these three practices together, I could feel a subtle shift in me and in how I approach conversations about things I believe need to change. When I approach the issue with generosity, assume the best intentions in others and speak and act from a place of curiosity, it opens doors to understanding perspectives which creates engagement and opportunities for change. This year, I will also use this lens as a focus for charitable donations and volunteer activities - investing time, energy and money to work on an issue close to my heart.
As usual, I have some questions for you to ponder:
What is getting under your skin these days?
What might you be grateful for?
What is working well already?
How might you practice self-compassion, and how do you act from compassion with others?
Where do you want to use your energy to create change?
For another blog about managing in challenging times, you can read my previous blog post here.
Post image by Hannah Mckay/Reuters
