What would you do?
American poet Andrea Gibson once wrote a poem entitled “To whom it definitely concerns,” in which she writes: “please accept this letter as formal notification that I am resigning from the position of My Own Worst Enemy.” The poem had me reflect on how often I still show up as My Own Worst Enemy. I know I am not alone. In my coaching work, I often hear clients talk about themselves and their work from the perspective of their Own Worst Enemies. Many people feel the need to prove something to an elusive someone or to prove someone right or wrong. As Brené Brown points out, very few of us naturally inhabit the seats of self-compassion and empathy in our lives.
When we facilitate Dare to Lead™ training, we talk about how we approach important moments in our lives. There are, of course, as many ways to approach those moments as there are people. The question is, on what do you tend to focus? Do you, like many, tend to look to the critics or those who love to judge your work?
Instead, we can look to those who have our backs and genuinely care about our well-being. The people who care about our lives and want to support our dreams, but only because they care deeply about us. They are close enough to the action to know where the dangers lie and can often provide good feedback and wise counsel as we navigate the vagaries of life. They are helpful because they have already accepted who we are.
We often still wait for a cosmic permission slip to do what we’ve always wanted. When you reflect on what to do next in your life or career, how would your decision be different if you paid more attention to the people already in it with you? If you allowed yourself to make the self-compassionate or empathetic choice? It doesn’t imply that we give up on being kind neighbours or caring friends, just that we give up on the belief that we can only be those neighbours and friends if we somehow change ourselves first.
Here is the question I have been thinking about for a while now: What would you do next if you gave yourself permission to live the life of your dreams?
